(:

^{my first was a girl :p}

He’s 2 in 1! Everything I’ve looked for since intermediate<3

I didn’t cry because my boyfriend broke my heart. I didn’t cry because my parent’s got into a fight. I didn’t cry because I broke a bone, or I scraped my knew.

It was for something I don”t usually cry about. My grade! Usually I get really irritated when a smart-Alec complains about getting a percentage of 93.33, when they’re so used to getting 100%. But because I studied so fucking hard, I broke down. No I didn’t get an A, no I didn’t get a B, but a C. I was fucking crying. I made such a big deal out of it because I love that class, I studied my fucking heart out, and I just bombed it! I felt like a failure.

I ran as fast as I could down the stairs that night of my class. I lighted that baby up. I vented to my boyfriend, then broke down. He cheered me up. Then when I got home, also that night, I cried again to my parents, and they also cheered me up. When I ran up to my room, I still cried. I went to the bathroom, washed my face and everything, then went to my brothers’ room; no I didn’t cry in there. But I vented to them. They also cheered me up. I couldn’t sleep, but I tried my best to. Thursday morning [today], I woke up at my usual 4:00. When I got finished getting ready; I thought about that night. I thought, despite my grade, and thinking what my brothers, my parents, and what my boyfriend was telling me; that I wouldn’t consider this to be something that I’d give up on, but just another obstacle that’s telling me to keep moving forward.

Around 7 y/o, I used to hurt this girl I baby sat and I felt horrible until now. When I was 10 y/o, I punched walls, broke lamps, and made my brother’s nose bleed. When I was 11 y/o, I hit my best friend’s sister because she was irritating me. When I was 13 y/o, I got into a fight and made her nose bleed as well. That same year, I resented hurting other people, that I became self-destructive. I would hurt myself over and over and over. Punch mirrors, and broke a lot of stuff. When I was 14 or 15, I started pulling my hair, up until now. I still punch walls, but it isn’t as bad as before.

Yep. I scare myself.

It scares the hell out of me, especially when I’m alone. Shit going fucking “tick, tick, tick” Like, “Grr, I’m tryna sleep.”

That’s why I use a digital clock, and a partial of the reason why I leave my t.v. on, cos the regular one is in the hall way.